Move Over Mozzarella Sticks, Make Way for Jalapeño Poppers

By Bob Dinsmore
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That’s right, I’m talking about the Jalapeño Popper.  When you talk about breaded and deep fried cheese, most people think of the mozzarella stick.  Well, most people are idiots because the Jalapeño Popper blows the mozzarella stick right off the appetizer sampler plate…  On the outside they appear to be the same, although the mozzarella stick is a bit more phallic.  On the inside however, they are worlds apart.  What is in inside a mozzarella stick?  Mozzarella of course… in fact, nothing but mozzarella. Whoop dee doo! The jalapeño popper is filled with cheese as well, but it is cheddar.  CHEDDAR.  Cheddar is simply better.  If you put mozzarella cheese at the end of a maze, then your mouse would probably just chew through the wall and fall off the edge of the table because he would not be interested.  Mozzarella is just a watery, extra gooey, flavorless version of cheddar anyways.  Sure it goes good on pizza, but c’mon, it would suck on a cracker.  If your crispy breaded shell was the Earth’s crust, and your delicious melted cheddar was the Earth’s core… than where’s that firey magma?  It’s called the JALAPENO.  Man oh man, if there is a better pepper out there then…

Well there isn’t a better pepper out there.  Unless you got the balls to eat habaneros.  Yowza.  The jalapeño is perfect, it’s got some kick but not too much kick. Sometimes it can bring a couple tears to your eyes but for the most part it just gives your tongue a roundhouse kick and leaves you wanting to fight back… fight back with your teeth that is. Grab another.  Buffalo wings excluded, I believe the jalapeño popper may be the best appetizer there is. I’m not trying to go head to head with the buffalo wing.. but I would put the jalapeño popper up against the nacho or the mozzarella stick any day of the week.  If you’re not lactose intolerant, and you have not tried a jalapeño popper then you are much more in tune with the madness than the tasty.  Hell, even if you are lactose intolerant you should be eating poppers, it’ll be worth the loose stool.

DISCLAIMER: This blog entry does not apply to cream cheese jalapeño poppers, which is just a jalapeño popper filled with cream cheese rather than cheddar.  They aren’t as common and I wouldn’t recommend them unless you are way into cream cheese.